Transitioning from the first step, remember these two rules before further advancement into the argument. No yelling is allowed, because it will get you no where, does not solve anything long term, and you will most likely regret it later. Also, keeping an open mind is imperative. With these two rules in mind, it is not time for you to listen, and it does take hard work to listen actively. It wouldn’t hurt either, with your loved on or friends you tend to get into heated arguments with, to set a mutual rule:

The Yelling Rule: Make a pact with the person that when one person yells, the other should completely listen, because there is ZERO communication when two people yell at the same time. If you must absolutely yell, or it slips, which happens, this is a nice pact to fall back on. Honestly, two people yelling at each other is the worst, so avoid it at all costs.

One awesome listening technique that I have picked up is from the book, How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes. The author calls it “Empty their tanks”. Basically, people love to talk, so naturally let them, first. Lowndes explains that you cannot pump more gas into a tank that is full, and the same is exactly true with people. The other person’s head is filled with their own thoughts, prejudices, emotions, opinions, etc. They will not comprehend anything you tell them! So let them “drain their tank” and you will see a huge difference in how they act now that their mind is clear. Simply listen, and then talk once they feel they are done, they will feel bad, and will want you to talk! Amazing. Try it and it you will have the full attention of the person every time.

Never accuse someone of being “wrong”. According to Dale Carnegie’s famous book, Win Friends and Influence People, let the other person do all the talking, while you gain insight on their views and opinions. First, you will learn more about that person, and it shows a great deal of respect. It shows the other person you really are interested in them, and it is important for you to solve their issue. If you must let the person know they are wrong, admit that your wrong first, or have been wrong one time, emphatically. Shows you two are alike, can relate, your on the same level, and the person will be way more comfortable.

Paraphrasing works like a charm in arguments too, especially helping yourself to be a better listener. Paraphrasing develops a sense of mutual understanding between two people, and it will earn you much respect again for showing your interest in helping this person solve the issue. They will then in return feel obliged to do the same when its your turn.

A very interesting technique off of Steve Pavlina’s website, is “Verbal Martial Arts”. Basically, if someone attacks you, counter attack not with an attack back, but ask questions. If they attack you and say you are forgetful, instead of being defensive, explore why they feel that way by asking questions like “Do you really feel that way?” or “Why do you think that way”. This then makes them think really deep inside what the real cause is, not just acting out pure frustration or anger. Never attack back if you are attacked in arguments. This technique will make the attacker realize what they have just said, and re-evaluate the situation. You learn why they feel how they do, and you cause them to learn or reach deep inside as well. Often when people attack others, they act out of raw emotions that run high, not necessarily what they really feel. This technique will improve your relationships with the right people tremendously.

As you practice these techniques, you will naturally feel more comfortable and relaxed using them. You also avoid unnecessary confrontation, yelling, and be able to transition an argument into a deep discussion. You will actually pay attention and listen to the person, instead of not focusing and being busy thinking of your next comeback.

Keep an open mind, let them do all the talking first, and you will learn much more about that person, how they think or feel about you, and you will earn their respect as well. If you would be interested in any other useful techniques, let me know! Any special tricks or techniques you use in arguments or debates? Let me know!

Next step: Winning the argument, getting your intended message across, and ultimately influencing!

Arguments are similar to Algebra, at least to me personally; there are countless factors and variables involved that make each argument different in its own way. You just have be able to recognize what the different factors and variables are, before taking action!

Firstly, you have to understand why arguments start in the first place. Common reasons for an argument to take place is to inform, to convince, to explore, and even to make decisions for others. I’ll break down these 4 common reasons of starting an argument.

1. Arguing to Inform - This type of argument involves a statement that can be proved or disproved with facts and evidence. These are arguments of fact. A lot of times, this argument starts out by someone telling another about an even that happened. This is extremely common among conversations of gossip. Countless times, especially in high school, I observed fights over these types of arguments. If you find yourself arguing to inform, or being informed at, remember to just hear the person and their opinion out. Don’t jump in right away.
2. Arguing to Explore - These arguments tend to revolve around definition, or the nature of things. Any issue that needs definition or a reason. An example of this argument could kick off with a question like, “Is shopping considered a sport?”. Whomever thinks that shopping is a sport, would then have to explain exactly why it is to the person that asked. Often the argument will then go into depth exploring all the reasons and factors of why it is or isn’t. These are my favorite types of arguments personally, where you can really get to know a person and their beliefs, as well as expand on your own.
3. Arguing to Convince - This is an argument I find myself getting into frequently. This argument has a lot to do with evaluation - what is the quality of the topic? I find this most typical among disagreements about who is a better sports team, player, coach, trade, the list goes on. Too many times I had argue for and about my Sac Kings, or explaining the dynamics of Soccer here in America. To prove your point, this argument involves you to present criteria and statistics about the person, idea, or event against traditional standards. This type of argument is used not only to settle difference, but to expand what is known, or educating someone to think different.
4. Arguing to Influence others’ decisions - This is also known as “proposing”. What actions should be taken for any given situation. This is where people tend to name viable alternatives and then recommend the other person to take one preferable course of action. Legendary among romantic partners, with arguments centered on “You never do stuff for me anymore” or “I would be nice if you can take out the garbage once a day, instead of once a week.” If you feel yourself going into this type of argument, remember to be very cautious as the subject could be a sensitive one for the person. I have seen many good friends not speak for weeks due to this type of argument.

After you fully recognize each argument, it is extremely critical to enter it with clear and open mind. Sounds simple and obvious, but I am surprised at how often people, myself included, totally don’t abide to this advice. There is usually no positive or mutually beneficial outcome to be had when you enter an argument with the wrong attitude or with high degrees of emotion.

Use conversation voice, and never yell. When you yell, that means you think it is ok to yell at that person, placing you “higher” than him/her. Yelling at a person will not get them to understand you more, but less. Another tip is to frequently reflect and think of what you are being told by the person. This is where you can learn a lot; by actively listening. Thats why we have 2 ears and only 1 mouth.

Following these first steps in any argument will allow you to avoid potential disaster and conflict melt-down and transition it into a mutually benefiting and win-win situation for everyone. I have learned a lot from past arguments, where I have regretted past actions and lost friends. I have taught myself to handle arguments appropriately, especially with those close to me, and I believe these tactics can help you.

Next: Learning from an argument, and making the best out of the situation.

Lets face it, we all have arguments with anybody and everybody, and even with the people we love the most. Some big, alot small; arguments are typical among any human relationship. I for one, am not afraid of arguments like others I know, not because I am an Aquarius (just joking), but because I love to debate and see what others around me think or feel about anything and everything. Arguments do not have to a bad thing, or avoided. You can learn a lot about not only the other person, or the topic at hand, but you can and learn a whole lot about yourself. Its unhealthy to just forget or avoid arguments with people you care about and just bottle up your feelings inside, or even worse, momentarily forget them. Handling these situations effectively is a much needed communication skill.

I am going to write about 3 steps to handling arguments effectively. Arguments can easily be a win-win situation for both people involved. Not only can you have happier relationships, but you will solve conflicts much more efficiently without wasting emotion, time, and feeling like shit for the rest of the day. Most of all, you will be more happy and content with no regrets about your relationships.

The first step will be posted shortly, and Steps #2 and #3 will be posted throughout this week.

DISCLAIMER: This is meant to help your arguments among your own personal relationships (friends, family, GF or BF, colleagues, etc) NOT random strangers. I do not recommend wasting any time arguing with people that do not matter to you. With me personally, 99.9% of arguments with people that I am not in an actual relationship with are complete BS and offer no benefits, so I recommend avoiding these situations.

Yes I know, why am I repeating a post I just wrote last time….. Well instead of listing habits I want to exhibit during this semester, I felt that it is equally, if not more, important to acknowledge the bad habits I have developed from past semesters. I also got this idea from browsing the blog of Tim Ferriss, The 4-Hour Workweek: The Not To Do List. Its definitely cool to think of and address new habits you ought to develop, but I believe if your going to form a new habit, instead of adding a habit, replace the new good habit with a old bad one…. so here are the bad habits that I will replace with the good habits I poster previously.

• Hitting the damn SNOOZE button - I regret this habit sooooooooo much its not funny. It is pathetic to admit that I did miss classes just because I got lazy, hit the snooze button, and then just completely slept like a baby for the next hour. I really hate the snooze button, as it encourages people to be lazy, and not get up at the time they designated themselves to wake up. So, I am going to ignore the snooze button, and actually wake up the time I planned for myself.
• Doing other unrelated work during class time - I am guilty to the max of this. Instead of focusing on a lecture, I will think or plan out what I am going to do later that day or stressing about this zit I got (yea i know, pretty pathetic). These lectures cost money, the text book cost money, I am devoting my time (time=money) to the class; I have already invested x amount of money into this class….. so I am going to give it the focus and attention it deserves, and make the most out of it. If I do get bored during the lecture, then instead of bullshitting, I will pull out the text and read about the related subject.
• Exhibiting the college poker face- I am going to smile more instead of the poker face. OK this sounds weird, maybe even a little freakish, but there is reasoning to it. I am tired of going into classes and everyone, I mean every student, has their poker face on. What fun is that?! Maybe its just community college. Regardless, I am here and I should relish this experience. So what if people dismiss my smile or friendliness, or thinks I’m some weirdo. I am going to smile, which will me appear more friendly, and hell, its much better than the poker face or emotionless irritation I see on others. Maybe smiling will also help me out with my goal to make more authentic friendships, create a better image for the professor, and maybe even kick in a little more fun in the class for myself.
• Rushing against time -Yea I know this maybe be obvious, but this is a bad habit I have. I am hardcore ANAL about time. It is horrible, and if affects my relationships, including my girlfriend. I would like to eliminate this habit, and live in the moment more if that makes sense. Enjoy the time and I do have with people, regardless if its a short 5 minutes or 30 minutes. Giving the person in front of me the attention they deserve instead of thinking ahead about class or stressing. I will not be in a rush all the time, even if I should be. Take it easy, enjoy every minute. Who cares, I don’t need to be in class 15 minutes early just to sit down and wait and do nothing, when I could be spending just an extra 5-10 minutes with people that count.

Those are some bad habits I would like to eliminate and replace with the good habits I posted previously. I may add to both lists as time goes on. I know everyone has bad and good habits, both to eliminate and to add. Ask yourself, before you think of new habits you need, but what bad habits to you need to shut off?? That is the first step often skipped by many people.

Browsing through blogs, I found a interesting topic from FOBlog - A Student’s Entrepreneurial Journey, about starting his semester of college off on the right foot. I must admit, even though I still maintained to make the honors list and earn good grades, I found myself lacking in essential skills to maximize my education experience. I have finished my general ED in 3 semesters, and now have a full semester to fill with classes of my personal interests before I transfer. Loaded with fun classes, and working only 20 hours a week compared to 40+ last semester, I have jotted down a few goals and guidelines for this semester.

• Turn in Assignments a day early - After reading the 4-Hour Workweek by Timothy Ferriss, I will achieve better time management by aiming to be productive instead of busy. So a new mind trick I am going to play is to just give myself less time to complete assignments, as it seems I produce way more on assignment or essay when I have a matter of hours left compared to a matter of days to complete it. Plus, by getting these assignments out of the way, I gain more personal time.
• Get my money’s worth and Take advantage of the professors - This is one aspect of college that I always regret after each semester. Depending on whether your professor is awesome and enlightening, or just hates teaching and ruins the subject for you, I want to make more connections and build relationships with the professors I fancy. Especially with this semester jam-packed of subjects that interest me, I am looking forward to putting more effort towards asking the professors questions, hang out for a bit after class, and take advantage of the wealth of knowledge these people can potentially offer.
• Read the text….. daily and nightly - This is also due to boring subjects that just don’t appeal to me, but that’s still a pathetic excuse. If I’m gonna get financially gang-banged by overpriced textbooks, I am gonna read them and enhance the lectures with the reading. I always seem to replace textbook reading with my personal reading, but I plan to balance the two together this semester.
• Pack my lunches, save some money - I am going to wake up just 10 minutes earlier each morning and make some snacks, hey, maybe even make myself a sandwich, to bring with me to school. I spend, specifically waste, about 5 dollars a day on a Sobe and French fries. Save money, eat fruit and be more healthy.
• Make more authentic relationships - I always try to find at least one or two people in each class that I relate to and or create an authentic friendship with. By “authentic” friendship, I mean not just a guy I will BS with before or during class, but a mutually beneficial relationship. Study partner, a friend or partner that will push me in the right direction, and grow an authentic relationship that can grow for the years to come.

Those are the goals of this spring semester, and I’ll post updates to track how I am exhibiting these goals. Any suggestions? Any goals of your own for your semester or new endeavor in life?

Maybe the economy of the United States doesn’t suck as bad as the media portrays it. I mean first of all, most media focus on 1 thing: fear. Because people buy into fear, and they buy more papers. So naturally, the media is going to take advantage of the doomsday news about the stock market and unemployment etc. They sell more papers, because the average reader or viewer is more turned on by fear than say maybe more optimistic news. They focus how bad it that national unemployment hits 5% , when in reality, its not as catastrophic as it sounds.

My notes below indicate whether the economic factors have a good impact (up) or bad impact (down) on the economy overall…. Notice Real Estate and the Stock Market are not completely down, meaning there are still opportunities to be made.

Jumping in my first week of the Spring 08 semester, my Personal Finance class had a discussion about the economy. We discussed reasons to why the economy isn’t going down the drain. First off, I am no economics whiz, and I am just now starting my first classes this semester; Macro and Micro. Please don’t accept what I say, instead take for what you want.
The housing market obviously has screwed thousands of homeowners. Which brings to another point….. if you don’t own or rent a home, why are you crying about the housing market? Now is the perfect time for you in particular, specially in my hometown Sacramento, since houses are at unbelievable prices, and with record foreclosures and banks trying to get rid of homes, it is the optimum time to buy for the next few years. Hopefully, the housing market is coming to the bottom, then will most likely level out for years to come. It is slightly negative. I plan to take advantage of this opportunity for the next few years.

Inflation actually is not that bad. Sure Gas prices are going up, about $3.20 here in California, but has it really made people store their cars and take public transportation. Some, sure. Most, at least here in Sacramento, hell no. Seriously, people still drive their 10 mile per gallon trucks and S.U.V.s and students still drive to their neighborhood school. Compared to other countries, specifically Europe, our gas prices are still amazingly affordable. Once Gas kicks in around $5.00, which will happen sooner or later, then you can start to complain, a little. Food to seems to be extremely affordable, specially if you shop at Winco or other monster discount stores, and minimum wage is at $8.00/hr in CA, which will do nothing but raise inflation in the future. Right now, its about even.

Unemployment at 5%! From what I have read personally, and what my teacher preached, 5% unemployment is pretty damn sweet for the economy. It there was 100% employment, everyone has money, most likely to which they’ll use to shop, which creates high demand, which equals higher prices. With 5% unemployment, inflation won’t go through the roof, at least for now. I know unemployment is a bad thing for individuals affected by it or laid off, but as an economy, I’m cool with it.

Interest rates are unbelievably nice right now, and the stock market is dropping, but it is only correcting itself, much like the real estate market (remember, what goes up must come down). The Dow just dropped below 12,000 as of 1/22/08, but there is still money to be made as far I am concerned. The dollar is dropping, but that means our country’s trade balance goes up, and since our products are cheap for other currencies, our imports rise. Sure exports are expensive, c’mon, shouldn’t you support USA Made products if we really are in economic turmoil???

Basically, after this very elementary attempt to review the economy, my BIG POINT here is to just don’t buy into all the negative and fear-triggering crap news and media out there hitting us from all angles. The economy of the USA is not as bad as the media depicts it. Yes the economy will drop, but of course the economy will rise back up again. Its naturally fluctuating, sometimes volatile like now. Sure we might be headed for a recession, but according to our countries history, we hit a recession every 20 years, so we seem due for one. There is still lots of opportunities to make some money out there, and I, being the optimist I am, plan to focus on taking advantage of some of these opportunities.

What goes up must come down. Please understand this, and don’t let all the negative media reports out there ruin your day or scare you into thinking its the end of the world….. at least not yet.

The last few weeks I have been searching for a second part-time job. I’m enrolled for 16 units this spring semester starting next Monday, and I work about 10 hours a week at a gym - where I basically hang out, do homework, read etc…. more like study hall. I could care less about money right now, because I know I’ll make more than enough down the road. Ever since my experiences from Sales (valuable, yet not exactly enjoyable…) I have made a pact with myself……

“If I am going to work for someone else, the experience must be invaluable and I cannot be a slave to the job.”

I am done with spending 20-40 hours a week on a typical minimum wage job, I have already done that and enjoyed it. I’m now going to commit to jobs that will help me gain the experience I need to reach the next level, bring me closer to my goals. If any Highschool kid fresh off his/her 16th birthday, and asks me what kind of job he/she should look for, I would tell him/her to only consider a job for the experience you can gain, and something you can enjoy, not necessary for the money.

So keeping that pact in mind, I have ventured into a new job that has created excitement and challenging and new for myself. Marketing and Public Relations work for a local restaurant. I have no experience whatsoever in marketing, let alone restaurant experience, but I know that my drive and the new exciting experiences and opportunities awaiting will push me to success. Even better, I make more than minimum wage, have a little more freedom than practically all minimum wage jobs, and awesome potential for valuable experience and opportunities.

So I will log and reflect my experiences, good or bad, success or failure, in this blog. Anybody with any marketing or restaurant experience, I would greatly appreciate any insight, advice, suggestions! It should be a another jam-packed semester…. but I wont be busy, Ill be productive.

The Financial Fraternity group I have co-founded in Sacramento are launching a competition to gain some practice with the stock market and researching, analyzing, and discussing about stocks and mutual funds. We started a private game at Virtual Stock Exchange and going to experiment with this site. This so far, is an extremely useful website to gain practical experience with the stock market, and definitely worth checking out.

Here are the guidelines for the competition:

• Each player gets $100,000.00 play money
• The duration of this 1st competition will last 90 days, beginning 1/14/08 through to 4/14/08
• All participants must have submitted their portfolio by Monday, 1/21/08.
• You required to invest at least $80,000.00, and you have an option of saving $20,000 to invest in another stock later in the competition. Besides that, you have to ride out the original $80,000 and cannot change it.
• There is a $5.00 buy-in for each participant
• Whoever earns the biggest profit gains after 90 days will win the pot, second keeps their money.
• Everyone in the Financial Fraternity playing will bring their picks to next Monday’s meeting, and from there we will kick off the competition

This is our first project/experiment with a focus on the stock market, and anyone outside of the group are also invited to join, just contact me via email. If you have any suggestions or advice, it would be greatly appreciated as well! I will track my picks on this when the competition starts next Monday.

So I’m officially launching a new project and picking up a lost habit = recycling. Getting this idea from a blog I came across recently, The Found Money Jar, I will recycle plastic bottles, aluminum cans, and glass bottles. At the end of each week I will organize what I have collected into the 3 specified categories, and take them to the neighborhood recycling center for cash. I will start a new cash fund, labeled “Recycling to Riches”, and track its progress. I will put all the funds collected from recycling towards investments in the stock market or towards a mutual fund. Once I collect enough funds to invest with, I will also track those results here on the blog. I look to only spend a couple hours a week on this project, and its way to not only save some cash and put it towards an investment, but also to do my part in the community. Working part time at a gym and drinking Sobe daily also makes more sense for me to recycle.

So far today, just walking around the house and cleaning out my car, I have collected the following:

• Plastic Bottles: 4
• Aluminum Cans: 4
• Glass Bottles: 2

Once I cash in my first batch of recycling, I will post the earnings here, and track the progress of the investments.

Men’s natures are alike; it is their habits that separate them. ~Confucius, Analects

A new year has just kicked off, so it seems appropriate to set some goals into place. Among the hundreds of goals flooding my mind this week, there was one that is most apparent; breaking down the bad habits and develop new ones.

Throughout the past few months I have recognized that my habits, which seem so small since I have programmed them into my subconscious for the past years, ultimately dictate my life and represents my character. I have been attending a social group that meditates and incorporates Buddhist practices into everyday business and stressful situations, and I have noticed the same message constantly.

“Free of Attachment” - in my perspective, means for myself or anyone to be free from negative habits, prejudices, bias, stress, the list goes on and on. One the of key reasons to practice meditation is just to free yourself from everything and just “be”. Still learning to “just be”, I have realized that habits can make or break a person. Countless times I find myself sluggishly hit snooze on my alarm clock, wasting 15 minutes that I could spend, who knows, doing push-ups or making myself an actual breakfast. Instead of wasting time exploring Wikipedia, I can plan my next day or hang out with friends and family. Eliminating and freeing myself from these bad habits and forming new good habits in their place is my goal.

One big reason for this specific goal is replacing the bad habits with good habits that will better service my overall perception in everyday life. One of the books I’m currently reading, Having it All, by John Assaraf, states that “seeing is not the same as perceiving”. According to Assaraf, the brain collects what we see, and whether the images are familiar or not, any information we don’t need, is basically thrown out from our consciousness.

“Our beliefs and habits act as filters that get in the way of truth and possibilities.” Another point I liked, “We talk, act, and pretend out the prejudices of our beliefs.” Our prejudices and beliefs dictates our self-esteem, our personal relationships, and even our mental and physical health. Our conscious mind takes in about 11 million pieces of information! And we are actually only aware of 40-2,000 pieces. Our habits condition our brain to drop out and not even see or recognize the other 10 million + information.

Keeping that in mind, I want to eliminate the negative habits that are fixed into my subconscious and form new positive habits that will allow myself, or my subconscious, to perceive and pick up more important information relevant to my goals, tasks, or situation at the time. Tim Ferris, author of the 4-Hour Workweek, promotes Selective Ignorance, where I should focus on the real important information that matters or info that is relevant, and ignore all the millions of crap information thrown at us from all directions. For more information on using Selective Ignorance as a tool, read about RRS - Really Simple Syndication - for the internet, from Ryan Holiday’s post. I need to follow this advice, and stop taking in or paying time and attention to irrelevant and unimportant info that I seem to draw myself into courtesy of my bad habits.

Like watching stupid videos on YouTube due to my bad habit of procrastination, and spend time taking in important info relevant to my goals and educating myself, now courtesy of my new positive habit = starting this blog.

To sum it up, my ultimate goal for 2008 is to replace my bad habits and condition new positive habits that will allow my subconscious to perceive and recognize the important and relevant info of the 11 million pieces thrown at me daily. With more efficient perception, I can be open to more possibilities and be more creative, and be free from my past prejudices and negative habits. To top it off, I’ll incorporate Selective Ignorance into my daily life to cut out the crap and focus more on the good stuff that benefits me. I believe that habits can either make or break a person. We all have some negative habits, and I think it is always important to recognize them, eliminate, then replace them with new positive habits. Equipping myself now with the right positive habits will allow myself to conquer and accomplish any of my goals and dreams.

Quote of the Day relevant to the post:

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”