Ronnie Nurss

I’ve learned an awesome philosophy from one of my mentors recently. If practiced daily, it can allow you to enjoy any activity or situation you come across in life without the burden of fear, or any negative feeling and emotion; embarrassment, regret, etc. It’s especially perfect for those situations that you have always wanted to experience, but in the end, your fear wins you over and you go home.

It’s called Pre-Acceptance of Failure. It’s simple yet extremely effective if used correctly. Before you attempt to do anything, and it could be anything (playing a game or sport, approaching someone), allow yourself to pre-accept failure; acknowledge the fact that you might lose, might get rejected, basically fail. When you realize and accept this, you know you might fail, the fear of outcome is no longer a burden. The fear of outcome will not drive you nuts, make you not concentrate, make you mess up and choke. Instead, you can completely concentrate and simply do the best you can do, be the best you can be.

When you let go the fear of outcome; not knowing what might happen, you are free to just do your best. Result does not matter to you, the destination is pointless to you. What simply matters now is the experience, the journey. You always hear “Its the journey, not the destination” for a reason, and this is why.

So once you have given up your fear of outcome, the next and final step is to remove doubt. Sure you have now eliminated your fear of outcome, but you might find yourself doubting your skills, whatever. You have to remove doubt, and replace it with commitment. Picture fear as a break, and doubt holds you back. You eliminated the break, so whats left is either doubt or commitment. Commitment is complete absence of fear. So after you have eliminated the fear of outcome, all you have to next is go into whatever situation you go into with full commitment. The commitment of “I’ll do the best I can, win or lose(success or fail). Its the journey, not the destination.”

I have personally been practicing this daily. You could use this philosophy for situations basically every minute. You find yourself competing in a sport, wanting to approach a person; stranger, friend or family.

I found myself playing basketball with friends, and the fear of losing really catches up to me, and usually affects my game for the best or the worse. If I lose, I am pissed. But I’ll tell you what. When you forget about the result, pre-accept you might fail; your let loose from any fear of outcome, and you can just fucking have fun and actually enjoy the experience, win or lose. Its an amazing feeling.

Finaly do the thing you have always wanted to do. Let your boss know how you feel, approach a distant friend, any situation that you have stopped yourself from doing because of your fear of the outcome. It’s a blast and ultimate high when you can enjoy an activity with absolutely no fear - we’ve all been there. Imagine doing it everday though. I encourage you to try out the Pre-Acceptance of Failure, and let me know how it goes for you.

Worrying about other people seems to be a common theme I notice, among myself, men and women, young and old, that rules people’s thoughts and essentially their minds. Its everywhere; gossip magazines about the lifestyles of the rich and famous, the constant slandering of those who make mistakes, and the envy of those who triumph. It’s damn irritating and mentally disgusting for me to observe this, and even worse, when I catch myself doing it every day.

In book three of Meditations, Marcus Aurelius states it best.

“Don’t waste the rest of your time here worrying about other people - unless it affects the common good. It will keep you from doing anything useful.”

Marcus Aurelius continues on about how constantly worrying and thinking about how others are living their lives keeps you from actually living your own, essentially “..keep you from focusing on your own mind.”

If you want reach whatever potential, or limit, of productivity and efficiency in anything you want in your life; be it career, relationships, yourself…then ditch the habit of wasting any more mental RAM on things that are random, irrelevant, and negative.

It’s hard as hell to control your thoughts, I know that. It takes effort. Consistent effort. Here are some ways to help you stop worrying about others (this doesnt mean “not caring for others”. Simply stop worrying about others, and focus on yourself), and ultimately focus on you.

• Meditation - Do what suits you, doesn’t have to be meditation. You could pray, anything that allows you Meditative Isolation (check out Ryan Holiday’s post). Meditation is nice, because you try to think about nothing, draining everything out. You stop worrying, and instead you observe your thoughts.
• Control what you can - Remind yourself the only things you have full control over is your thoughts, and what you give (how your react, etc). You can’t control other people and what they do. Even more reason to focus on what you can control in life - You.
• Sweat it out - Go for a run, work out, play some ball with friends. I personal find that doing healthy activites that keep you fit physically will also benefit you just as much mentally.
• Write - I will always promote keeping a journal or notebook handy to express yourself in. Writing does wonders, and allows you to focus on you and really grow as an individual. Do this routinely.

It’s probably the hardest thing to do in life - controlling your thoughts. But “nothing is easy, and who wants nothing?”. Stop worrying about others (unless its for common good) and focus on yourself. Stop worrying about past or future, control what you can - the present. Dont Worry, Be Happy.

For the past three years I have worked part-time at a private gym, or as tennis players call it, a club. At first, being the oblivious teenage kid I was, I only looked at the gym and my job as a paycheck that covered gas, food, and party essentials.

I started reading, writing, and graduated high school. I have grown up, and finally, realized exactly how much I have benefited from working and being involved with a gym. I have made very rewarding friendships, gained experience in interpersonal communication, gained mentors, and for the most part, stayed relatively healthy and fit.

If you could get part-time job at a gym, preferably night shifts, you surround yourself with healthy and motivated people, free membership, and usually ample time for homework, reading, and other projects. I’m not just going to preach why you should work at a gym part-time, but also highlight the huge benefits of utilizing a gym to the max.

• Obviously living a healthy and positive lifestyle: For whatever you want to accomplish in life, it makes sense to first put yourself in the right environment related to you what you want to accomplish. If I want to relax and read a book, I will put myself in the right environment. To become more healthy and exercise, a gym is the environment that will motivate you to work out.
• Social Interaction with positive people: This is huge. Sure you can curl and do push ups at home (or office) by yourself…but there is something unique about working out at a gym. You could call it social interaction. As long as you find the right gym to suit your specific needs, you’ll no doubt meet interesting people. Also, with two people at a gym, you automatically share something in common, which makes it hundreds times easier to start conversation.
• Place of solitude: If your pissed off and have had a shitty day, or if you got into an argument with someone you live with, you just want to get out. A gym is perfect for these instances. Hitting the weights, playing a sport, running or biking, whatever it is, serves as perhaps the most healthy and positive outlet to lose those negative thoughts and escape. Most gyms has jacuzzi’s, saunas, or steam rooms. Whether your wanna work out the stress or relax and forget your troubles, a gym is easily the best destination.
• Learn something new, and learn more about yourself: Depending on what type of gym you have membership with, they can offer classes to learn yoga, aerobics, dancing, tennis, basketball, the list goes on. I have learn to play racquetball (an awesome sport for rainy days) and I plan to take some Tia Chi classes here soon. Besides learning new activities, hobbies, or sports, you overall learn more about yourself. You learn more about your commitment, your body, your relationships, and how do deal with stress. Perhaps not too many people notice, but working out at a gym is also a form of meditative isolation. People have told me they do their best thinking at the gym. You learn something new physically, but also mentally.

My big point is; Generation Y should strongly consider joining a private gym. Some say its too expensive, or can find more affordable alternatives. But I look at it with opportunity cost. The friendships I have made, and seen others made as well, BY FAR, are worth more than they had paid for the membership. You will live a healthier lifestyle. You can gain new hobbies. You will have an awesome outlet to release daily stress. If you take full advantage of what gyms could offer, the last thing you should think about is the monthly membership rates.

Or you can try and work part-time at one, and get that free membership!