A Secret to Enjoying Any Situation Fearlessly

I’ve learned an awesome philosophy from one of my mentors recently. If practiced daily, it can allow you to enjoy any activity or situation you come across in life without the burden of fear, or any negative feeling and emotion; embarrassment, regret, etc. It’s especially perfect for those situations that you have always wanted to experience, but in the end, your fear wins you over and you go home.

It’s called Pre-Acceptance of Failure. It’s simple yet extremely effective if used correctly. Before you attempt to do anything, and it could be anything (playing a game or sport, approaching someone), allow yourself to pre-accept failure; acknowledge the fact that you might lose, might get rejected, basically fail. When you realize and accept this, you know you might fail, the fear of outcome is no longer a burden. The fear of outcome will not drive you nuts, make you not concentrate, make you mess up and choke. Instead, you can completely concentrate and simply do the best you can do, be the best you can be.

When you let go the fear of outcome; not knowing what might happen, you are free to just do your best. Result does not matter to you, the destination is pointless to you. What simply matters now is the experience, the journey. You always hear “Its the journey, not the destination” for a reason, and this is why.

So once you have given up your fear of outcome, the next and final step is to remove doubt. Sure you have now eliminated your fear of outcome, but you might find yourself doubting your skills, whatever. You have to remove doubt, and replace it with commitment. Picture fear as a break, and doubt holds you back. You eliminated the break, so whats left is either doubt or commitment. Commitment is complete absence of fear. So after you have eliminated the fear of outcome, all you have to next is go into whatever situation you go into with full commitment. The commitment of “I’ll do the best I can, win or lose(success or fail). Its the journey, not the destination.”

I have personally been practicing this daily. You could use this philosophy for situations basically every minute. You find yourself competing in a sport, wanting to approach a person; stranger, friend or family.

I found myself playing basketball with friends, and the fear of losing really catches up to me, and usually affects my game for the best or the worse. If I lose, I am pissed. But I’ll tell you what. When you forget about the result, pre-accept you might fail; your let loose from any fear of outcome, and you can just fucking have fun and actually enjoy the experience, win or lose. Its an amazing feeling.

Finaly do the thing you have always wanted to do. Let your boss know how you feel, approach a distant friend, any situation that you have stopped yourself from doing because of your fear of the outcome. It’s a blast and ultimate high when you can enjoy an activity with absolutely no fear – we’ve all been there. Imagine doing it everday though. I encourage you to try out the Pre-Acceptance of Failure, and let me know how it goes for you.

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Don’t Worry, Be Happy

Worrying about other people seems to be a common theme I notice, among myself, men and women, young and old, that rules people’s thoughts and essentially their minds. Its everywhere; gossip magazines about the lifestyles of the rich and famous, the constant slandering of those who make mistakes, and the envy of those who triumph. It’s damn irritating and mentally disgusting for me to observe this, and even worse, when I catch myself doing it every day.

In book three of Meditations, Marcus Aurelius states it best.

“Don’t waste the rest of your time here worrying about other people – unless it affects the common good. It will keep you from doing anything useful.”

Marcus Aurelius continues on about how constantly worrying and thinking about how others are living their lives keeps you from actually living your own, essentially “..keep you from focusing on your own mind.”

If you want reach whatever potential, or limit, of productivity and efficiency in anything you want in your life; be it career, relationships, yourself…then ditch the habit of wasting any more mental RAM on things that are random, irrelevant, and negative.

It’s hard as hell to control your thoughts, I know that. It takes effort. Consistent effort. Here are some ways to help you stop worrying about others (this doesnt mean “not caring for others”. Simply stop worrying about others, and focus on yourself), and ultimately focus on you.

• Meditation – Do what suits you, doesn’t have to be meditation. You could pray, anything that allows you Meditative Isolation (check out Ryan Holiday’s post). Meditation is nice, because you try to think about nothing, draining everything out. You stop worrying, and instead you observe your thoughts.
• Control what you can – Remind yourself the only things you have full control over is your thoughts, and what you give (how your react, etc). You can’t control other people and what they do. Even more reason to focus on what you can control in life – You.
• Sweat it out – Go for a run, work out, play some ball with friends. I personal find that doing healthy activites that keep you fit physically will also benefit you just as much mentally.
• Write – I will always promote keeping a journal or notebook handy to express yourself in. Writing does wonders, and allows you to focus on you and really grow as an individual. Do this routinely.

It’s probably the hardest thing to do in life – controlling your thoughts. But “nothing is easy, and who wants nothing?”. Stop worrying about others (unless its for common good) and focus on yourself. Stop worrying about past or future, control what you can – the present. Dont Worry, Be Happy.

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Why Gen-Y Should Practice Meditation

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.” – Buddha

For the past 6 months I have waken up every Friday morning at 6 AM to participate in a meditation club. I was lured to “Mind Your Business Club” by my friend Grant. Basically, we have 30 minutes of meditation, followed by 30 minutes of discussion related to meditation, Buddhism, and everyday life. I never quite understood the point of meditation. The only thought that came to mind of meditation was Yoda, who I thought was a true badass, so I decided to give it a go.

Basically, I have come to love meditation, and try to practice it whenever I can. Meditation is also something I believe Generation Y should atleast learn about and try. In our generation, when we have an abundance in material goods and satisfactions, it is even more imperative to seek self-fullfillment and self-happiness. Meditation can be one avenue to achieve that.

There can be huge benefits to anyone who decides to take meditation seriously.

• Deeper Levels of Relaxation and Reduces Stress: Honestly, I have never met anyone my age, or any age for that matter, that says they have to much relaxation. American Society seems to be a hot zone for stress. This is one benefit any can enjoy.
• Observe and Control Your Own Thoughts: While meditating, you want to focus on your deep breathing. The goal is not to focus on one dominant thought. Hundreds of thoughts will pop up, and you just let them pass. “Think about nothing”. This is extremely difficult, and becomes easier with practice. Its great though, for you can sit back and see what really is on your mind in a contolled and relaxed manner. Not when your pissed off in traffic or vulnerable to make a fool of yourself in the moment. You seriously become your thoughts. Why not learn how to observe and control them?
• Improve Concentration: While you attempt to obserce and control your own thoughts you will build your skill of concentration. In a information-packed world with literally thousands of distractions every minute, concentration is important. Concentrating on your breaths, and not giving into any one particular thought during meditation, will allow you to become better self-controlled and allow you to concentrate better in other aspects of life – work, school, etc. The more concentrated you can become, the more efficient you will be.
• Better Understanding of Yourself and the World Around You: As you meditate, you really see a movie of all your thoughts before your eyes. You will notice which thoughts come up more, which seem to bother you the most, etc. Also, as you meditate, you can observe your thoughts without all the prejudices and other negative factors you might carry with yourself throughout the day. Since your more relaxed and more concentrated, you can better understand the daily issues that arise. This is huge to better understanding your school issues, work, relationships, and overall, your purpose and motivations in life.

Just start out trying to meditate 5 minutes a day in the morning, at lunch, or before you go to bed. Meditation is one way to live a more balanced life. And the more balanced you are, the more stress-free you tend to be. Meditation is one thing I believe all Generation Y should consider and practice.

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“He who laughs last doesn’t get it”

I realize more and more the gift of Laughter. Laughing is healthy for you and obviously makes things more fun. Besides releasing endorphins and increading your heartrate, its great for relationships socially and in the workplace. According to Robert Provine, from the book A Whole New Mind, laughter has more to do with relationships than jokes. The best times and memories I share with people close to me are all something I could laugh back on. And seriously, some of the best ab workouts I’ve had are due to laughing.

Laughing in particular is also extremely beneficial for the workplace, according to this article from Forbes. People who can laugh tend to be more creative, as laughing comes from the right-side of the brain, and people who can laugh together often can work together. If you do a group project or you meet someone for the first time, and you go for the opportunity to try and share a laugh with your new acquaintance, there is no harsher feeling than being rejected. Being able to laugh with others, and yes, sometimes at yourself, you can develop more meaningful relationships, more pleasant to be around, and hey, live happier and healthier.

With this in mind, I’m going to check out a Laughter Club, as there are a couple here in Sacramento. It combines elements of yoga, meditation, aerobics, and social contact, according to A Whole New Mind. You could probably find one in your area here. Try and notice how much, or how little, you laugh daily.  Laughing can definitely enhance the way people experience relationships, school and work, and life.  Seriously, this no laughing matter.

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Life is like a Metaphor

Metaphor is the understanding of one thing in terms of something else, and is a product of Right-brain thinking.  The book, A Whole New Mind by Daniel Pink, stresses the importance of developing and using Right-brain thinking in the businesses world and life. 

Left brain = literal and textual.  Right brain = metaphorical and contextual.  Knowledge workers tend to be dominated by left-brain thinking.  Practicing to balance both sides will be crucial for business and life in the future or globalization and self-fullfillment and happiness. 

 George Lakoff writes that metaphor is central to reason, and believes that human thought processes are largely metaphorical.  Lakoff says that metaphors are central to development of thought, and how we think metaphorically in nature.

Metaphorical thinking helps us understand others, which will be crucial in business as we will come into contact and work with people of diverse backgrounds in the forms of collaboration. 

Besides in the business world, and as Pink notes, that the more material benefits and comforts brought to use by abundance will matter much less than the metaphors by which we live by.  As Lakoff explains, “A large part of self-understanding is the search for the appropiate personal metaphors that make sense of our lives.”

Realizing, understanding and thinking more metaphorically are great tools to consider using while dealing with life and work.  Metaphors are creative, fun, and can connect people together powerfully.  As Pink caps it off, the more we understand methapor, the more we understand ourselves.

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“You Get What You Give”

Growing up a 90s kid, I was heavily influenced by 90s music,  and I have to admit, I still enjoy those infamous 90s one-hit wonders.  Recently heard the New Radicals - You Get What You Give, which was basically my anthem during the 90s, and got slapped with perhaps the best advice I think anyone can do, regardless of age, status, money etc. 

The one sure thing you can control in life is what you give.  Whether your giving out help of any kind, compliments, or even just a smile.  Obviously also works just as negatively, like giving out hate, road rage, whatever….

You always control what you give.  You give someone hard work and and impressive results, that person will give you a job or raise.  It doesnt work the other way around.  I feel that people do the total opposite.  They think they should be given, then they’ll “do” in return.  This is a total losers concept. 

You cant expect to be hand given shit in todays world.  You have to go out and get it (give work) or in some cases demand it (give/show your value).  Of course responsibility goes hand in hand with this.  When you demand something, that means you deserve it through your positive actions, not because you think you should.

So try this out for a week and see how it makes you feel and how it affects your life.  Each day as you wake up, decide one thing you will constantly give that day (smiles, respect, listening, help).  Practice giving without asking or expecting something in return.  Do the one thing you can control in life, becuase “You Get What You Give”.

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“We cannot step twice into the same river”

I’m currently studying the Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, the Hays Translation. 

“We cannot step twice into the same river” – Heraclitus

Marcus expands on this… “Time is a river, a violent current of events, glimpsed once and already carried passed us, and another follows and is gone.”  (4.43 in Hays)

 Its amazing at how I can relate those 2 writings to everything in my life.  There is always the “would of, could of, should of”’s in life, and its a bunch of bullshit.  The chances are high that you wont get what you want if you have to ask yourself “Should I?”, or “What would happen if…” and the worst…. “I could of have done that but…”.

Most people tend to view events, situations, and decisions with the wrong mentality.  They are quick to label anything in life as “bad” or ”good”, and mostly its decided on pure emotion at the time.  Stoicism, also read in Meditations, states that one thing is neither good or evil.  “… not objects or events, but the intrepretations we place on them are the problem.”

 Regulate your weak and negative interpretations and perceptions on events and decisions you experience to avoid facing regret and to get what you want in your life.

So when your faced with any event or decision in life, tackle it with the right interpretation or perception, and then act. If you dont act, you will lose out to opportunities flowing by you.  Similar to what Ryan Holiday says, if you dont define yourself, or in this case, your life, then others gladly will.  Because you will only get one shot, one chance, one  glimpse, before time passes you by.

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Mirrors

“People mirror back to us the reality of who we are”

I read this phrase from the book, The Third Jesus, by Deepak Chopra. Very similar to the golden rule, “Do not do unto others as you would expect they should do unto you”. So when you sit down face to face with reality, or any problems or dilemmas with people, spend some time rethinking the way you treat, react, and behave towards and around the people that you come across in life.

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We are our Experiences

A few weeks ago, I read an interesting post by Joseph Kelly on the phrase; “We are our Experiences”. Joseph’s post definitely made me search for the true meaning on that phrase. As Joseph recognized and stated, people often accept things the way they are, or make excuses for things that happen to them, by believing “thats just the way I am” or based on their past they are the way they are today and cannot change that.

Agreeing with Joseph that our past experiences may influence they way we perceive, judge, and view the present, but we also have the power to choose the next experiences. We still have the choice to choose a different path or make a different decision against the trends of our past.

Its too easy for an obese guy to settle for the Big Mac instead of trying out a salad, simply because he can make the pathetic claim that thats just they way he is, has always eaten that way, and can’t change. Our past experiences do make us what we are today, but that never means you have to settle for that.

So my concluding thought is; Although we may be our past experiences, we have the choice to create the next experiences.

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New Year, New Habits

Men’s natures are alike; it is their habits that separate them. ~Confucius, Analects

A new year has just kicked off, so it seems appropriate to set some goals into place. Among the hundreds of goals flooding my mind this week, there was one that is most apparent; breaking down the bad habits and develop new ones.

Throughout the past few months I have recognized that my habits, which seem so small since I have programmed them into my subconscious for the past years, ultimately dictate my life and represents my character. I have been attending a social group that meditates and incorporates Buddhist practices into everyday business and stressful situations, and I have noticed the same message constantly.

“Free of Attachment” – in my perspective, means for myself or anyone to be free from negative habits, prejudices, bias, stress, the list goes on and on. One the of key reasons to practice meditation is just to free yourself from everything and just “be”. Still learning to “just be”, I have realized that habits can make or break a person. Countless times I find myself sluggishly hit snooze on my alarm clock, wasting 15 minutes that I could spend, who knows, doing push-ups or making myself an actual breakfast. Instead of wasting time exploring Wikipedia, I can plan my next day or hang out with friends and family. Eliminating and freeing myself from these bad habits and forming new good habits in their place is my goal.

One big reason for this specific goal is replacing the bad habits with good habits that will better service my overall perception in everyday life. One of the books I’m currently reading, Having it All, by John Assaraf, states that “seeing is not the same as perceiving”. According to Assaraf, the brain collects what we see, and whether the images are familiar or not, any information we don’t need, is basically thrown out from our consciousness.

“Our beliefs and habits act as filters that get in the way of truth and possibilities.” Another point I liked, “We talk, act, and pretend out the prejudices of our beliefs.” Our prejudices and beliefs dictates our self-esteem, our personal relationships, and even our mental and physical health. Our conscious mind takes in about 11 million pieces of information! And we are actually only aware of 40-2,000 pieces. Our habits condition our brain to drop out and not even see or recognize the other 10 million + information.

Keeping that in mind, I want to eliminate the negative habits that are fixed into my subconscious and form new positive habits that will allow myself, or my subconscious, to perceive and pick up more important information relevant to my goals, tasks, or situation at the time. Tim Ferris, author of the 4-Hour Workweek, promotes Selective Ignorance, where I should focus on the real important information that matters or info that is relevant, and ignore all the millions of crap information thrown at us from all directions. For more information on using Selective Ignorance as a tool, read about RRS – Really Simple Syndication – for the internet, from Ryan Holiday’s post. I need to follow this advice, and stop taking in or paying time and attention to irrelevant and unimportant info that I seem to draw myself into courtesy of my bad habits.

Like watching stupid videos on YouTube due to my bad habit of procrastination, and spend time taking in important info relevant to my goals and educating myself, now courtesy of my new positive habit = starting this blog.

To sum it up, my ultimate goal for 2008 is to replace my bad habits and condition new positive habits that will allow my subconscious to perceive and recognize the important and relevant info of the 11 million pieces thrown at me daily. With more efficient perception, I can be open to more possibilities and be more creative, and be free from my past prejudices and negative habits. To top it off, I’ll incorporate Selective Ignorance into my daily life to cut out the crap and focus more on the good stuff that benefits me. I believe that habits can either make or break a person. We all have some negative habits, and I think it is always important to recognize them, eliminate, then replace them with new positive habits. Equipping myself now with the right positive habits will allow myself to conquer and accomplish any of my goals and dreams.

Quote of the Day relevant to the post:

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

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