Now that we have turned a potential conflict meltdown into a positive argument and discussion, its time to incorporate a few tricks to get your intended message across successfully.
Now that you have the person comfortable with you and not in defensive mode, it is safe to start progressing towards recommending your opinions and suggestions, and ultimately influencing the person. Using the tricks in the previous post, the person is now open minded and able to comprehend whatever you say with respect.
If the your goal is to point out a flaw or a mistake the person made, begin with praise and sincere appreciation. Also, remember to ask before giving your opinion! Too many times people just jump straight to criticism, often unwanted criticism. People are more open to suggestions and criticism when they are prepared for it, as well as being in a comfortable and appropriate setting. Establish your confidence and appreciation for the person, and then ask to offer your suggestions.
A trick I try to practice daily is one I found from Dale Carnegie’s book, How to Win Friends & Inlfuence People. It is amazing of the power words have in discussion, particularly in arguments. One simple tip is replacing a word like “but” with “and”. Here is an example:
“You are a great basketball player, and if you practice your left hand, you would be even greater.”
This sounds much more pleasing and positive than this:
“You are a great basketball player, but if you practice your left hand, you would be even greater.”
“And” flows and sounds alot more pleasing and effective than “but”. Use your words wisely, and strategically use or replace words to enhance your intended message.
I have found from personal experience that when you admit or tell the person of a mistake you have made in the past, it sets up an appropiate manner for you to suggest your opinioin or recommendation as opposed to just saying it. This allows the person to feel and relate to you, like being on the same level, knowing what that person is experiencing. Admitting a mistake shows you too are imperfect and gives you credentials to be able to analyze the situation and talk about it, having the backing ofpersonal experience. I will no doubt take the advice from someone who has been there before, as opposed to someone who hasnt.
With the few tricks mentioned here, you can begin to really communicate your intended message across effectively and successfully, and have influence on the person. Hopefully after these 3 steps, you can look forward to arguments and hopefully grow the relationship, and as a person, by handling arguments effectively.
If you enjoyed this article, please consider sharing it!
