TED is my new favorite website these days.  I was first introduced to TED through a local weekly meetup in Midtown Sacramento called TED Talk Tuedays….and this first talk affected me immediately.

There can be many lessons to be had in the 17 minute talk, but I came away with one idea  that I believe can be beneficial to anyone’s life if applied.

John Francis witnessed two oil tankers collide in the San Francisco Bay in 1971 which motivated him to not drive or ride in any motorized vehicle.  So he walked everywhere, literally.  Due to people questioning his actions, he constantly found becoming involved in arguments.  To avoid these disputes, he decided to try an experiment, and spend one day without talking.  He noticed a profound change in his lifestyle….

John found himself actually listening to people.  He realized that without talking, he would not think of what he was going to say next in response, and he could fully 100 percent listen to people.  He also realized that he was learning again, thanks to this new habit of fully listening.

Fast forward through the video and John’s teaching a class at the University of Montana, with absolutely no talking.  His class becomes one of the most popular classes on campus as it was virtually all discussion by the students.   These discusssions would start with just a gesture.  John observed that by just starting discussions with gestures and letting the students depict what he meant and discuss what they thought, he was learning more form his students then he had during his studies.  John came to the conclusion that….

“If you aren’t learning, you are probably not teaching very well…’

I wish I could experience this more often from my classes in college today.  I do have a few professors that understand this idea and successfully implement it in class.  I love those classes.  But there are a majority of professors that communicate dried out material from text or just communicate any random brain farts they have at the moment.   The big reason why John’s class was so successful was because of listening.

Such a simple concept but in reality, in today’s mediated world, is almost impossible for most people.

The speech is concluded with the following statement….

“We are the environment and how we treat each other is how we treat the environment.”

During the 17 years he was voluntarily silent, John realized that he treated people better.  He would fully listen with an open mind.  His mind was not busy formulating his next rebuttal or calculating his prejudices into his response.  His mind was clear and open.  And when your mind is comletely open, you tend to offer more respect, become more aware, and actually be ‘present’. Oh yeah, and actually learn.

We all have hundreds examples of people blowing us off while trying to communicate an idea or having the feeling of not being understood…..daily.  And most importantly, you are most likely exhibiting the same exact behavior to others.

Remember, people tend to mirror back the reality of who you are.  So control the one thing you can control in life; your actions.  And try this concept out for a day, like John did.  You dont have to completely not talk, but atleast listen 80% or 90%, and see if that affects your day to day experiences.  Before you are ready to pounce back with your pre calculated rebuttal, stop and ask why, explore their reasoning; Empty their tanks .  I gurantee you that one you exhaust their thoughts, they’ll be more open to yours.  You just might learn something that will affect your lifestyle too.

“It’s only after you’ve lost everything,” Tyler says, “that you’re free to do anything.”

After reading Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk, I got slapped across the face by reality.  Over the last year or so I have been fucking up, or at least in the eyes of today’s society.  I got a Wet and Wreck-less (basically a DUI a few months shy of my 21st birthday), let my GPA go to shit, and have lost the trust of my parents.  I have messed up in the eyes of society by breaking the law, in the eyes of my parents by under achieving in academics, and in a sense, I have disappointed  myself, or at least in what I thought was right and wrong.

“It’s only after you’ve lost everything,” Tyler says, “that you’re free to do anything.”  In a weird sense now, I actually feel free to do anything, more so now than I did a year ago.  It seems my Dad has given up on me, so in a weird sense, I am free from those expectations I think he held for me.  Those expectations, as I have found, placed a lot of pressure on myself, not just from my father, but from society….with the norm being for a middle class teenager; get your diploma, go to college and get a degree, get a job, work 40 years and retire.  This is something I find myself becoming freaked out about more and more every year I get closer to real adulthood.

My point is this; I currently feel I have hit the lowest part in my life.  Yet, when I can’t sleep at night and living on canned tuna and top ramen, I am injected with the most supreme motivation and weird, high, thrill to go out there and make something out of life.  I feel mentally free and that I can start writing what I have to do on a blank piece of paper, started by myself personally, not sketched or outlined by somebody else.

This is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time.

I turned 21 earlier this year and it freaked me out.  “Damn, so in a couple years I should be graduating with a degree and starting a career and maybe marrying a girl and…..” I kept flooding my mind with this bullshit.  I was being sculpted into “just another guy”, an average man created by a system.

Why am I investing 4+ years of my youth on a degree that may not even help me do what I essentially want to do (like getting the same degree as thousands of others my age, fighting for same job market that decreases in size each year due to numerous factors, like globalizition).  I’m not saying a degree will not help me for the future, but I may be able to better utilize those years on something more relevant to what I essentially want to do.

Every minute my life is ending.  I should be spending each minute I have on activites that help me lead the life I want to live.  Sure I maybe be advocating “living in the present”, which is encouraged, but of course you have to supplement that with “planning for the future” and even “reflecting on the past”.  The important thing is though is to do balance all of these with one goal: do so towards the life you want for yourself, not limited to or discouraged by the norms of society.

Don’t live the life deffered plan (working 40 years, then “enjoying life in retirement), as Tim Ferriss puts it in The Four Hour Work Week.  Live the life and you want, and take the neccessary steps towards doing so.

Maybe self-improvement isn’t the answer…. Maybe self-destruction is the answer.

I originally thought this quote was crazy, but after thinking about it, it made sense yet still slightly crazy.  People today seem to focus on self improvement, moving forward, starting new habits, etc.  But it seems totally ineffective when you don’t fix the original problem.  Why try to improve a negative habit instead of destroying it, and starting off with a clean plate?

We all have emotional baggage that we accumulate through our lives.  Its up to you to confront that baggage, and begin to throw it out.  Not by self improvement, or like building a bigger closet to hide more emotional baggage.  Go straight to the core, your inner self, and find that emotional baggage and do your best to dump it. (most of this is fear that ultimately rules people’s lives, their decisions, and ultimately the lifestyle they choose to live, even if it isn’t necessary what they ultimately want or dream of)..

So….

These three quotes have definitely hit me with an unexplainable force.  I view life as more of a contrarian now.  While in the eyes of most (society, my parents, etc) I have been fucking my life over the last year.  Instead, I view it as a opportunity to free myself and be able to do the things I want to experience in this life, free of expectations, pressure, and comparision.

This is what I intend to focus on starting today with this blog.

For the past three years I have worked part-time at a private gym, or as tennis players call it, a club. At first, being the oblivious teenage kid I was, I only looked at the gym and my job as a paycheck that covered gas, food, and party essentials.

I started reading, writing, and graduated high school. I have grown up, and finally, realized exactly how much I have benefited from working and being involved with a gym. I have made very rewarding friendships, gained experience in interpersonal communication, gained mentors, and for the most part, stayed relatively healthy and fit.

If you could get part-time job at a gym, preferably night shifts, you surround yourself with healthy and motivated people, free membership, and usually ample time for homework, reading, and other projects. I’m not just going to preach why you should work at a gym part-time, but also highlight the huge benefits of utilizing a gym to the max.

• Obviously living a healthy and positive lifestyle: For whatever you want to accomplish in life, it makes sense to first put yourself in the right environment related to you what you want to accomplish. If I want to relax and read a book, I will put myself in the right environment. To become more healthy and exercise, a gym is the environment that will motivate you to work out.
• Social Interaction with positive people: This is huge. Sure you can curl and do push ups at home (or office) by yourself…but there is something unique about working out at a gym. You could call it social interaction. As long as you find the right gym to suit your specific needs, you’ll no doubt meet interesting people. Also, with two people at a gym, you automatically share something in common, which makes it hundreds times easier to start conversation.
• Place of solitude: If your pissed off and have had a shitty day, or if you got into an argument with someone you live with, you just want to get out. A gym is perfect for these instances. Hitting the weights, playing a sport, running or biking, whatever it is, serves as perhaps the most healthy and positive outlet to lose those negative thoughts and escape. Most gyms has jacuzzi’s, saunas, or steam rooms. Whether your wanna work out the stress or relax and forget your troubles, a gym is easily the best destination.
• Learn something new, and learn more about yourself: Depending on what type of gym you have membership with, they can offer classes to learn yoga, aerobics, dancing, tennis, basketball, the list goes on. I have learn to play racquetball (an awesome sport for rainy days) and I plan to take some Tia Chi classes here soon. Besides learning new activities, hobbies, or sports, you overall learn more about yourself. You learn more about your commitment, your body, your relationships, and how do deal with stress. Perhaps not too many people notice, but working out at a gym is also a form of meditative isolation. People have told me they do their best thinking at the gym. You learn something new physically, but also mentally.

My big point is; Generation Y should strongly consider joining a private gym. Some say its too expensive, or can find more affordable alternatives. But I look at it with opportunity cost. The friendships I have made, and seen others made as well, BY FAR, are worth more than they had paid for the membership. You will live a healthier lifestyle. You can gain new hobbies. You will have an awesome outlet to release daily stress. If you take full advantage of what gyms could offer, the last thing you should think about is the monthly membership rates.

Or you can try and work part-time at one, and get that free membership!

Flow is something I try to attain and work on every day. Flow is also referred to as “On the money” and “In a groove”. According to the definition on Wikipedia, Flow is a mental state of operation where you are fully immersed in whatever you are doing. The best example that comes to mind is sports. The best, most clear, and exhilarating moments of flow I have had in my life was during my high school basketball career. Besides sports, I have also felt it in engaging conversations, school projects, writing my thoughts, and even driving.

The father of Flow, psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, lists the components of flow and also tips on how groups could flow together here.

When I think of flow, I think of passion, drive, purpose, and love. To really enjoy life to the fullest and savour the moment sort of speak, always try to find your flow, your groove in whatever it you set out to do in life. Be it your job, relationships, your home and hobbies, if you have trouble trying to find flow with it, chances are you probably could be happier doing something else. Every successful person of their trade has mastered the art of flow, from Kobe and Tiger to Mark Cuban. They find something they love to do, and excel at it.

In any situation you put yourself in in life, ask yourself the crucial and deep question: “Got Flow?”