I pledged a fraternity last Fall semester and have experienced the “Greek Life” or the “Greek System” firsthand over the last year.  I love observing this culture and you can learn a lot just by stepping aside and spectating the interactions between people inside it.  While doing this though, I try to strip aside any ego and prejudices, and just see what everything is as it is.

One common and dominant theme I recognize in the Greek System is revenge.  It may not seem so obvious, but in a culture that is practically High School on steroids, its everywhere; sport competitions between fraternities, recruitment, relationships and parties, and even inside the brotherhood of fraternities.  *This is just one example that I have experience in, but really, revenge is everywhere.

Marcus Aurelius wrote in the Meditations in Book 6 the following about revenge;

“The best revenge is not to be like that.”

Revenge doesn’t help any cause.  It’s negative and can foster hatred, distrust, and negative rivalry between any person or organization.  Its not healthy competition.  A healthy rivalry has great competition that pushes each person or team to better oneself, continual progress and improvement, focusing on one’s own weaknesses and strengths.  Revenge requires one not to focus on self, but someone else, which is a total waste of energy and time.

Instead of worrying about someone else, or the planning “how I’m going to get back at them” approach, focus on yourself and your next actions.  “How am I going to get better personally” instead of “How am I going to beat them”.  Live your life for you, not for others.  People who focus on revenge do so because they think public opinion of them have been hit.  People who focus on revenge are self conscious of the thoughts of others, and lets that affect their actions, words, and overall happiness.  This leads to unhealthy actions and possible regret.

So to avoid focusing on revenge, stop worrying about what others are thinking.  Marcus Aurelius puts this nicely in Book 3;

“Don’t waste the rest of your time here worrying about other people – unless it affects the common good.  It will keep you from doing anything useful…….. and keep you from focusing on your own mind.”

Focusing on yourself, your own mind, will allow you to constantly move on, to improve and advance in life.  Invest your energies and resources on improving yourself and achieving your own goals, not those set by others, or what others think your goal should be (like getting revenge against your competitor).

The best way to accomplish is to live through action and intent.  Try this mindset for the next month;

“Live well.  It is the best revenge.”

You cant get ahead in life while your wasting time getting even.

Worrying about other people seems to be a common theme I notice, among myself, men and women, young and old, that rules people’s thoughts and essentially their minds. Its everywhere; gossip magazines about the lifestyles of the rich and famous, the constant slandering of those who make mistakes, and the envy of those who triumph. It’s damn irritating and mentally disgusting for me to observe this, and even worse, when I catch myself doing it every day.

In book three of Meditations, Marcus Aurelius states it best.

“Don’t waste the rest of your time here worrying about other people – unless it affects the common good. It will keep you from doing anything useful.”

Marcus Aurelius continues on about how constantly worrying and thinking about how others are living their lives keeps you from actually living your own, essentially “..keep you from focusing on your own mind.”

If you want reach whatever potential, or limit, of productivity and efficiency in anything you want in your life; be it career, relationships, yourself…then ditch the habit of wasting any more mental RAM on things that are random, irrelevant, and negative.

It’s hard as hell to control your thoughts, I know that. It takes effort. Consistent effort. Here are some ways to help you stop worrying about others (this doesnt mean “not caring for others”. Simply stop worrying about others, and focus on yourself), and ultimately focus on you.

• Meditation – Do what suits you, doesn’t have to be meditation. You could pray, anything that allows you Meditative Isolation (check out Ryan Holiday’s post). Meditation is nice, because you try to think about nothing, draining everything out. You stop worrying, and instead you observe your thoughts.
• Control what you can – Remind yourself the only things you have full control over is your thoughts, and what you give (how your react, etc). You can’t control other people and what they do. Even more reason to focus on what you can control in life – You.
• Sweat it out – Go for a run, work out, play some ball with friends. I personal find that doing healthy activites that keep you fit physically will also benefit you just as much mentally.
• Write – I will always promote keeping a journal or notebook handy to express yourself in. Writing does wonders, and allows you to focus on you and really grow as an individual. Do this routinely.

It’s probably the hardest thing to do in life – controlling your thoughts. But “nothing is easy, and who wants nothing?”. Stop worrying about others (unless its for common good) and focus on yourself. Stop worrying about past or future, control what you can – the present. Dont Worry, Be Happy.

I’m currently studying the Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, the Hays Translation. 

“We cannot step twice into the same river” – Heraclitus

Marcus expands on this… “Time is a river, a violent current of events, glimpsed once and already carried passed us, and another follows and is gone.”  (4.43 in Hays)

 Its amazing at how I can relate those 2 writings to everything in my life.  There is always the “would of, could of, should of”’s in life, and its a bunch of bullshit.  The chances are high that you wont get what you want if you have to ask yourself “Should I?”, or “What would happen if…” and the worst…. “I could of have done that but…”.

Most people tend to view events, situations, and decisions with the wrong mentality.  They are quick to label anything in life as “bad” or ”good”, and mostly its decided on pure emotion at the time.  Stoicism, also read in Meditations, states that one thing is neither good or evil.  “… not objects or events, but the intrepretations we place on them are the problem.”

 Regulate your weak and negative interpretations and perceptions on events and decisions you experience to avoid facing regret and to get what you want in your life.

So when your faced with any event or decision in life, tackle it with the right interpretation or perception, and then act. If you dont act, you will lose out to opportunities flowing by you.  Similar to what Ryan Holiday says, if you dont define yourself, or in this case, your life, then others gladly will.  Because you will only get one shot, one chance, one  glimpse, before time passes you by.